As 2009 gasps its dying breaths, it’s time for VLM to join the fracas of those looking back on the year. A full songs and albums list will be coming, but those will not happen till sometime in January, since I intend to catch up on all the unheard albums sitting in my iTunes library. As is my standard practice, the aforementioned lists won’t be numbered, but more a gathering of greats with no ranking among them. But for now, it’s time to give out some other prestigious and dubious honors for the songs, albums, and artists that made 2009 what it was. For clarity’s sake, anyone who did anything in 2009 is fair game, even if it technically would have gone under ‘08 (essentially, singles released this year from albums released last year are eligible). So, let’s begin.
Most Meaningless Artist: (Awarded to the artist who barely showed up for 2009, and whose appearance was undeniably shrug-worthy. Adapted from Bill Simmons’ yearly LVP award): Sugar Ray. Not only was their reunion among the less-anticipated returns of the year (with only Limp Bizkit drawing less excitement), their album Music for Cougars was DOA on the charts and produced not one annoyingly catchy single. Hell, I pirated the album for curiosity’s sake and still haven’t found the motivation to listen to the thing.
MVP: You can make a perfectly valid case for either the Black Eyed Peas or Taylor Swift to take this one. On the one hand, the Peas had the Hot 100 in a vicegrip for six agonizing months. Swift, meanwhile, won over the hearts of millions with her sugary country pop and her grace in getting interrupted by Kanye West. Given that I’m fairly certain America’s average IQ drops 10 points every time the Black Eyed Peas get airplay, and that Taylor Swift has not sold her soul in exchange for immortality and immeasurable fame, Advantage: Taylor Swift.
Taylor Swift – You Belong With Me [iTunes] (YSI)
Best New Artist (Awarded to the band/artist who released their first album in 2009): There were plenty of great albums released by first-timers this year, but no one stuck with me quite the way Paper Route did. Granted, they had an advantage, since I got to see them open for Paramore back in October, but they still have a great sound that translates to an indescribable energy in their live show.
Best Musical Discovery (Awarded to the artist who first caught my attention in 2009): Again plenty of candidates. Super 400, Valencia, The Gaslight Anthem, and Tegan and Sara all come to mind. At the end of the day, Super 400 get the award for simply sounding cooler than the rest.
Super 400 – Flashlight [iTunes] (YSI)
Worst New Artist: Owl City. I hate Ben Gibbard, but even I respect his work in The Postal Service. So the notion of some upstart kid rising to fame by recycling The Postal Service’s Q-sides into Top 40 fodder burns my soul with an unforgiving fury. It burns me even more to know that that damned “Fireflies” song gets stuck in my head at least twice a week.
Owl City – Fireflies [iTunes] (YSI)
(Note: Midway through posting this, I was notified that Owl City actually released an album in 2008, making them technically ineligible for this award. Nothing I said above is retracted, but for consistency’s sake, your new Worst New Artist is Justin Bieber. I hope I don’t need to explain myself, since that would mean I’d have to listen to his album again)
Guilty Pleasure of the Year: I know some people will take issue with a guilty pleasure category, and they’re right. But I have no other way of expressing my fascination with the music of Adam Lambert. By all accounts, I should friggin’ hate him. He’s an American Idol alum, his personality (read: lifestyle) gets more publicity than his music (and he likes it that way, it appears), and oh, God, that album cover. But damn it, his music is just too much fun to hate for too long. And at least his personality (read: personality) has more flavor to it than AI’s winner, the low-risk, lower-reward Kris Allen.
Adam Lambert – Music Again [iTunes] (YSI)
Biggest Surprise Album: Kelly Clarkson’s All I Ever Wanted. Everyone was lowering expectations for this album once we heard the dry “My Life Would Suck Without You”, but for the most part that was the worst of the storm, and Clarkson’s new album had plenty to like or love.
Biggest Letdown: No one quite wet the bed the way U2’s No Line on the Horizon did. After all the talk of the band reinventing itself, we got little more than a mess of mediocre ideas stretched out to give the appearance of a broad scope.
Best New Supergroup: Them Crooked Vultures. Like there was any doubt about this one. Chickenfoot was vastly overrated, and Tinted Windows, while good in their own right, didn’t have the sheer force of awesome that Josh Homme, Dave Grohl and John Paul Jones have when placed in a room together.
Worst Comeback of the Year: Chris Brown and Graffiti. Brown was the guy who needed to make a big splash more than anyone else, and instead he turned in this pile of crap that was either out-of-touch or insincere. Hell, even Creed was self-aware enough to do something better than this.
Comeback of the Year: Green Day. Sure, Alice in Chains had their first new album in 14 years, but Green Day had one of the best albums of the decade in American Idiot, a mountain of expectation and hype to overcome, and an army of people hoping they’d fail so that the claims of “sellout” and “they’re not Green Day anymore” could finally ring victorious. But though it’s no masterpiece, 21st Century Breakdown is still a classic in its own right.
That’s all we’re going to do for right now. Part II will come tomorrow, and any subsequent installments will come in January. If you want to submit a category idea, by all means leave one in the comments.
==TJ==